


Everything Is Fine (Except When It's Not)

by autumnmycat



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles, Xenogears, Xenosaga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbians in Space, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26998036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnmycat/pseuds/autumnmycat
Summary: In a strange turn of events, Shion and the gang find themselves in a version of reality where they can live out their lives in relative peace and harmony. However, just because they are all alive and well doesn't mean what's happened to them suddenly goes away. Maybe the hardest thing about continuing to live is having to make amends with the past—or the future, depending on how you look at it.
Relationships: Fei Fong Wong/Elly Van Houten, Fiora/Shulk (Xenoblade Chronicles), KOS-MOS/Shion Uzuki, chaos/Jin Uzuki
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Her Will

**Author's Note:**

  * For [almostclever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostclever/gifts).



> my attempt at an 'everything is fine' AU so that my gays can be together, i haven't played all of XBC2 or any of XBCX but even if those characters bled in here and there its mostly cameo stuff. also im taking major liberties with the lore, this is mostly supposed to be a fun romp rather than something that could actually happen in the xeno-verse.

Mary crushes The Key in the palm of her hand. That is enough for Wilhelm to waver.

“What are you doing? Mary!”

Mary turns away and decidedly chooses her Maiden over the Eternal Recurrence.

“You fool! Now, this universe will be completely destroyed. Even Yeshua will perish.”

She kneels by Shion and carefully picks her upper body up, cradling the back of her head and shoulders.

“Mary, is this what you really want?”

The two women stand.

“I am not Mary.” Her eyes flash red. She truly is not the Mary that the Zarathustra desires. “I am KOS-MOS!”

Wilhelm feels this defiance lurch in his body. Some part of his power has been sealed off from him, and it is only because one part of destiny had not fallen completely into place.

Then, Kevin punches through his abdomen, but that was just a cheap shot.

“Ugh, fuck off, Kevin. Would you?” Wilhelm rolls his eyes. “You really are so incredibly annoying.”

Shion and KOS-MOS look at each other, shrug, and nod. The rest of the gang mumbles in collective agreement.

Wilhelm doubles forward so that Kevin’s arm is removed from him. He turns around and kicks him square in the chest. Kevin stumbles backward and slams into the Zarathustra. He immediately evaporates.

“Oh,” Shion says, not sure whether she is surprised or relieved.

“Anyway, I believe it is time to end this—”

Before Wilhelm can complete his sentence, there is a horrible, horrible noise. Everyone looks up at the turning compass that no longer turns.

The sound of Zarathustra grinding to a halt screeches so loud that even KOS-MOS has to cover her ears. Wilhelm visibly flinches. He hadn’t been expecting it even though he knows everything that is always going to happen.

“What are you doing, Yeshua?”

chaos shakes his head.

“I didn’t do that.”

“Then, it’s Abel…?”

Nephilim, who had apparently been watching the whole thing, appears suddenly in front of them. Shion thinks that it would have been nice to know she was around sooner, but beggars can’t be choosers.

“No. It is the will of the people,” she says.

“The will of the…?” Wilhelm shakes his head. “That doesn’t make sense. The Zarathustra cannot be interfered with by merely a person’s ‘will.’”

“Really? I think it’s possible.” chaos gets up from the ground and tilts his head. “This world is more flexible than you think. Even as we speak, ripples are spreading through the universe. You may not know all of the forces at work. There may be some force even greater than you and me, greater than even U-DO.”

“I assure you, there is not.”

The Zarathustra makes a harrowing noise again, except this time, it sounds like a zap of energy, a charge that had been building up all the time it had been spinning.

“What the hell?” Jr says as they all watch it spark and flash in front of them.

KOS-MOS looks worriedly between chaos, Nephilim, and Wilhelm. Somehow, she seems to understand the situation better than most of them.

“We must leave this place, or else—”

“Or, else you will not remain in this dimension, yes,” Nephilim closes her eyes. “However, this is the will of the one who holds the key,” everyone turns to look at Shion, “for she does not want to give up the connections she made in this world.”

“The Maiden?”

“Yes. There are multiple keys to this world, but she holds the final one—and it has been destroyed. Everything is contingent on her will. And, she wishes to remain with her friends more than all else.”

“But, I—” Shion is rightly confused. “—I didn’t—”

“Maybe it is U-DO who has peered into your heart and uncovered your greatest desire. Maybe it is better for things to be this way. In any case, this is your last few moments in this universe. I wish you all well. And, maybe we will meet once again on the other side.”

“Wait!” Shion cries out. “Nephilim!”

“Goodbye, Shion. Take care. Live out the life you wish to live.”

And, just like that, the entire cave begins to rumble. Everyone lets out a cry as it knocks them over. Even Wilhelm is caught off balance. Soon after, the rumbling disappears and everyone’s vision is engulfed in a bright white light.

Then, everything goes dark.

* * *

The first thing she notices is that her head really hurts. It feels as though her body slammed into concrete, and maybe it’s because it has. She groans, trying to get her eyes to open, but the brightness of the light in her vision is much too overwhelming. However, she hears a familiar voice.

“Shion?”

“…KOS-MOS…?”

“Yes. It’s alright. You’re safe.”

Somehow, that’s enough for her to overcome the pain in her skull, and when she finally focuses her vision, she is staring up at KOS-MOS who is staring down at her with concern.

“Are you hurt, Shion?”

She flinches, “I’m okay. I think I hit my head, though.”

“I see. Maybe that is why everyone is unconscious.”

Her confusion has Shion sitting up quickly, and the scene in front of her leaves her speechless. Everyone is splayed out on the ground—Jin, chaos, Allen, MOMO, Ziggy, Jr, and even Wilhelm.

“Oh, God, is that Wilhelm’s arm?”

KOS-MOS looks at the disembodied arm that looks like it’d been thrown against a nearby wall.

“I suppose it is. I will get rid of it for you.” KOS-MOS stands, and her own arm turns into a gun. She fires it, and the arm dematerializes. The look on her face seems as if she wants to say, ‘good riddance.’

Shion shakes her head, not sure if she has the capacity to acknowledge what just occurred. She changes the subject.

“What in the world happened?”

KOS-MOS sits back down next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder gently.

“Based on what Nephilim said, I believe we are no longer in our original universe.”

“Huh?”

Now that she mentions it, she looks at her surroundings. They are in some sort of brick-lined alley. She has never seen buildings completely made out of brick in her entire life.

“Bunny?”

Her AI appears, floating in front of the both of them.

“Yes, Shion?”

“Do you…know where we are?”

Bunny thinks for a moment.

“I’m not sure. I can’t pick up any UMN wavelengths. The only ones I can discern are EMFs within the range of 2.4 GHz to 5 GHz from various towers around us.”

“Can you connect to them?”

“I could, but I’m afraid it will slow down my processing by a factor of 200%.”

“Oh, wow.”

“This is very primitive architecture. I really don’t like it.”

“If you can connect to it, you should.”

“I…don’t want to.”

Shion frowns. “Don’t make me turn off your AI functionality.”

“Eep! Okay. But, don’t be upset when it takes me a few seconds to give you the information you ask for.”

“It’s fine, Bunny. Just do it.”

Just as she had indicated, it takes a good fifteen seconds for her to connect to this new network.

“Today is the 15th of October in the year 6053.”

“So, we’re in the future?”

“No,” KOS-MOS interjects. “This timeline would be approximately 4,000 years in the past, compared to our previous one.”

“W-What…?”

“I theorize that based on the interconnected wireless infrastructure, this would be equivalent to the mid-2000s on Lost Jerusalem. However, I cannot ascertain exactly our coordinates because there is no available connection to the UMN.”

“So…this is…Lost Jerusalem?”

“Unknown. More investigation is required.”

Shion feels like anxiety is building up inside her chest. She’s felt so much dread in the past few weeks, and this is just the cherry on top. It does help, though, that KOS-MOS’s hand is on her back, trying to rub the tension out of her muscles. Shion looks up to her red eyes and tries her best to hold back tears.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Shion sniffs.

“What is wrong, Shion?”

“I—I had the feeling we’d have to say goodbye, and I—I didn’t want that, so I feel…thankful. Even though this is really weird, I’m so glad, I—”

“I feel the same way, Shion.”

Someone else makes a sound. They turn to see MOMO sitting up with a hand on her head. She looks around and back and forth, blinking a few times.

“Where am I?” she asks quietly, probably not expecting an answer.

“We don’t know!” Bunny exclaims, flying over and waving her arms animatedly. MOMO jumps and yelps in surprise.

“Oh, Bunny, that’s not very nice,” Shion frowns.

“It’s fine, Shion,” MOMO says, even though the light looks to be bothering her too. “I appreciate the quick feedback, Bunny.”

“Of course! But, can you connect to the UMN? I can only connect to a horribly slow connection. It really grinds my gears!” Bunny blows air out of her non-existent nose.

MOMO looks up and around.

“No. I don’t sense any UMN pulses.”

“I fear we are somewhere that the UMN does not exist at all,” KOS-MOS says.

Slowly, the rest of them regain consciousness. First, Ziggy, then Jin, then Jr, then Allen, and finally, Wilhelm. He is clearly the most disoriented, probably because he’s the angriest about this turn of events. Everyone slowly gets to their feet.

“Geez, where the hell are we?” Jr asks. He’s also in pain considering the heel of his hand is pressed into his forehead.

“We don’t know,” MOMO says.

As Wilhelm stands, he holds up his half mutilated arm, and in a flash of light, it is completely healed, forearm, hand, and all. He clutches his right hand into a fist, testing that it works.

“Whoa! How did you—?”

“You forget that nanomachines still work in most universes.”

“There are nanomachines here?” Shion looks between KOS-MOS and MOMO, but they are obviously unsure as well.

“Oh, I suppose you wouldn’t know, my apologies.” It’s his turn to look around. He glares at Shion and then every other person around him.

For as much as she knows, he is probably just as confused as the rest of them.

“Are you perhaps bewildered?” Shion laughs to herself.

“You mock me as if this isn’t your fault.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Nephilim would say otherwise.”

“I can’t control what U-DO does.”

“But, you were the one who just _had_ to turn off the Zarathustra,” Wilhelm frowns harder than Shion had ever seen anyone frown in her life.

Jr leans forward and, like the idiot he is, pulls out his guns.

“How the hell were we supposed to know it’d throw us who knows where! We were just trying to save everyone!”

“And, good job with that. Now the universe is doomed, and we’re trapped in some primordial technological purgatory.”

“Haven’t you lived since before the advent of modern technology?” Ziggy asks, genuinely perplexed.

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Whatever!” Allen exclaims, already fed up with the bickering. “Yeah, this sucks, but instead of fighting about it, maybe we should—I don’t know—figure out where the hell we are?!”

Jin steps forward. “Allen has a point. Idling around here is only wasting time. We need to find shelter of any kind, at the very least. Food and water as well.”

“If anything, this looks like a relatively modern city. I’m sure we can find something,” chaos adds.

Wilhelm stays silent, sulking about his failure of a plan. Even he can’t argue with God, as much as he hates to admit it.


	2. For the Richer or the Poor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang commits first-degree grand theft, and they've only been in this city for half an hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i have way too much fun writing this, also i assume G is like yen so thats why im going with

When they step out of the alley, their fears are confirmed.

“Wow,” Allen murmurs, but it’s not because he’s impressed. It’s because everything is dreary. They’re used to a highly futuristic universe, and this planet is just…drab. And, dirty.

They walk down the street and stare at the various LED signs and advertisements, something most of them have only read about in history books. There is a consistent theme of encouraging people to buy products or advertising music and movies. Usually, these things would be done with holograms, but there has not been a hologram in sight since they’ve arrived.

MOMO looks up at Ziggy, “I can’t get any readings besides the ones on the people. Am I malfunctioning?”

“I doubt that’s the case. Your database probably isn’t set up for this specific time period.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jr says, putting his hands behind his head. “You’ll be just like us. Totally normal.”

The sentiment is absurd because, if one thing is for certain, none of them are particularly normal. That’s proven by the weird looks everyone’s giving them.

“Uh, why do you think people are staring?” Shion asks, nervously taking KOS-MOS’s arm.

“We do stand out like a sore thumb,” Allen frowns, slouching as if that will hide the fact he’s wearing a bright golden jumpsuit and a really severe black eye. “Everyone’s clothes are so…simple compared to ours.”

“It seems as though my appearance is drawing the most attention,” KOS-MOS says, although she doesn’t sound particularly bothered.

Speaking of which, a bunch of teenagers jump out in front of them.

“Heeeyy,” one of them beams. “I love your cosplays. What show are you from?”

“Show?” MOMO squeaks.

“I didn’t know there was a con in town, but your guys’ cosplays are the best we’ve seen!” Another person whips out a cellphone. “Can we get your picture?”

“Um.”

They don’t wait for an answer, and instead, their picture is taken before they can even comprehend what’s going on.

Wilhelm, though, seems to understand what’s happening.

“Everyone, move.”

He pushes through the kids with their phones, and they all sprint down the street. If they weren’t noticeable before, they stick out like a firebomb now.

“You never told us what show you guys are from!!”

They run down the street until the kids are far, far in the background. They stumble to a stop. Allen has to prop himself up using his knees.

“I am not in good enough shape for this.”

“One thing is for certain,” Jin says, merely brushing away a stray hair that has fallen from his ponytail, “we need disguises of some sort.”

It suddenly dawns on all of them, but Shion is the first one to vocalize it.

“Oh no. We have no access to the UMN," she says. "We need money. And, we don’t have any money.”

“We’re poor?!” Jr shouts in abject horror.

“No, we’re not poor,” Wilhelm rolls his eyes. “Do you think so little of me as a capitalist?”

“How do you propose we go about acquiring funds?” Jin asks.

“Simple.” He steps to the side and holds an arm out as if he is introducing someone famous. His other arm is around his back and tucked against the small of it. “A bank has money. We need money. We’ll get money from a bank.”

Shion hadn’t even noticed that’s where they’d run to. Well, it’s not a “bank” per se, it’s just a small computer terminal that says ‘ATM’ at the top in bold letters.

“What’s an ATM?” MOMO asks. Shion is thankful that she wasn’t the only one wondering that very same thing.

chaos explains, “It stands for automated teller machine. Before monetary transactions were exclusively done through the UMN, physical paper notes were used to represent the G you had.”

“Wait, you can _touch_ G here?” Jr asks. “What kind of place is this?”

“Somewhere very cursed, I assure you,” Wilhelm mutters to himself.

“So, your plan is literally stealing money from other people?”

“I did say I was a capitalist, didn’t I?” He ignores him, instead turning to KOS-MOS. “Connect to this equipment’s technological architecture to access the administrative controls. Delete security data 10 minutes before and after this process is complete. Impersonate an average user’s account and withdraw 4,000,000G—”

“ _Four million?!_ ” Allen all but screeches. “Are you insane?!”

“Nine people in a strange place and time with no resources? I believe it’s adequate.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” says Ziggy, “but 444,444G is not a normal amount of money that the average person has on hand.”

“And won’t people notice if that much money is taken from a bank? Do you think this thing even has that much stored in it?” Shion adds.

Wilhelm rolls his eyes.

“ _Fine_.” He turns. “KOS-MOS, what is the average amount a…’modern' ATM holds.”

Like Bunny, KOS-MOS’s connection is much slower than it is on the UMN, which can give her results almost instantly. A few silent seconds go by before she speaks up again.

“The average ATM can hold as much as 20,000,000G, though few normally do. In off-hours, most machines contain less than1,000,000G. Even so, large ATM thefts have likely only made the crime more popular.”

“Thank you, KOS-MOS.”

“You are welcome.”

“So, say that this ATM holds 1,000,000G. Divided among us, that’s 100,000G per person. Would that be more reasonable?”

“No!” Allen shouts again but Wilhelm decidedly ignores him.

“That’s certainly less excessive,” Jin says.

MOMO says, “I’m not sure if this is just a coincidence, but this, um—‘ATM’ holds 1,500,000G…”

chaos is the only person who has not spoken up, but it’s only because he’s omniscient and therefore dissociating through this conversation.

“Ah, that was a good guess on my part. So, KOS-MOS, could you follow out the directive I just gave you?”

“I have some hesitations about committing theft."

“I’ll do it!” Bunny says before Shion catches her by the ear and shoves her back into her pocket.

“What’s our other option? Are we going to get jobs—right now? Do you want to go and get a job right now, KOS-MOS?”

“I can. There are many stores on this street, and the chance that one of them is hiring is approximately 62.76%.”

Shion says softly, “He’s being facetious, KOS-MOS.”

“We’re not going to have a place to stay if you don’t do this.”

She looks at Shion, and Shion shakes her head and shrugs. She looks to the rest of them, and they are also perplexed.

“KOS-MOS,” Allen finally speaks up, “are you really considering stealing money? What if we get caught? We’ll be thrown in prison!”

“She can take out all the security measures easily. We will not be caught.”

That is what convinces her.

“I’ll do it.”

“What?!” Allen seems to be the only one morally opposed to this option. He is clearly beside himself. “You guys are really okay with this? We’re stealing from a _bank!_ ”

Ziggy says, “I don’t think we have much choice in the matter. Wilhelm is right. We will be unable to survive if we don’t have some sort of monetary option.”

“I don’t think it’s entirely a bad idea,” chaos says, but the look he gets from Allen makes him continue. “Obviously, it’s not ideal, but—”

Allen starts to walk away. “I’m going to stand far, far away from you guys while you’re doing this.”

Whether or not they actually shrug, the rest of the group collectively shrugs.

“Now then. If you would, KOS-MOS.”

KOS-MOS’s hand turns into something flat—R-DEBITCARD, surely—and she inserts it into the slot. Shion can tell she’s analyzing something by the distant, yet intense look in her eyes.

After a moment or two, she says, “It will be easier if we destroy the terminal completely to access the funds.”

No one has time to respond because she switches to R-CANON and fires.

The ATM blows up, but somehow all of the money is intact and in a perfect stack they can easily grab. Call it luck.

“Okay, now it’s time to run,” Ziggy says.

They waste no time and do just that. Except for Allen who has been watching from a block away. As they get farther from him, he shouts, “I told you, I’m not in shape for this!” before he also starts running considering he has no other choice.

* * *

They find themselves in front of a hotel, eventually.

“Mobius Zeboim?” Shion reads the sign above the doorway. “Should I be concerned that this looks like the same Mobius Hotel that was on Fifth Jerusalem?”

“Maybe it’s a chain?” MOMO offers.

“Also, what’s Zeboim?” Allen asks nervously, still out of breath from running.

“Who cares?” Jr waves them all off, walking through the automatic doors. “A hotel’s a hotel.”

They follow him in and to the front desk. A young lady with blonde hair that’s neatly tied up into a ponytail smiles at them.

“Hello, welcome to Mobius. What can I do for you today?”

“Hello...” Shion starts, suddenly uncomfortable for some reason. “Can we, um, book a few rooms?”

“Sure,” she smiles sweetly. “How many would you like?”

“Uhhh…give me a moment.” Shion counts out loud. “Me, KOS-MOS, Allen, MOMO, Ziggy, Jin, chaos, Jr, Wilhelm…five rooms I think.”

“Alright, how many nights?”

“Just one for now.”

“So, that will be…132,800G.”

Wilhelm walks forward and takes out the biggest wad of cash that this poor hotel worker has ever seen if the way her eyes widen says anything.

“No problem,” he smiles, but his smiles are always sort of skeevy.

“T-Thank you, sir. Let me—um, make keys for you…”

She’s fumbling with the money, with the plastic cards, with the machine that magnetizes the cards.

“Ugh, she definitely thinks we’re drug dealers,” Jr whispers.

Wilhelm turns around. His eyes are very intense. “And, she can believe it. As long as no one asks, we don’t say anything. Got it?”

Jr swallows. “Got it.”

“Can I get a single queen?” Jin asks the attendant as if it’s a very normal thing to suddenly ask.

“Yeah, me too,” Shion says just as quickly.

“Must be an Uzuki thing, huh?” Wilhelm mutters to himself. chaos coughs into his elbow.

“I’m sorry, but due to occupancy and the short notice, we have to give you a family suite as we don't have three doubles and two singles available.”

“A…family…suite?”

“I apologize, sir!” She bows deeply and sharply, her forehead narrowly missing the counter. She clearly is going to receive some sort of retribution if this reservation doesn’t go through. “I can give you free room service or free mini-bar purchases to make up for it.” She straightens back up and holds out the completed keys.

Wilhelm snatches the stack of cards from her hand. “We’ll take both, thank you.”

Shion dimly feels bad because she has a feeling they're all going to make her and every other employee lives' miserable.

* * *

“I am not sure what I was expecting, but this is a shithole,” Wilhelm scoffs.

They look around.

“I cannot even conceptualize what you consider an appropriate living arrangement,” Jin says, strolling towards their unfortunately earned free mini-bar. He picks out a green glass bottle around the size of a small soda. “This suite is incredibly luxurious.”

Even though Shion knows that Jin lives like a monk, she has to agree with him. This ‘hotel room’ is _big_. There is the main area that looks like a normal living room, but there is also a kitchen suite and doors to bedrooms to the right and left. It’s Shion and Jr who open the first door and see what a normal hotel room actually looks like.

“Oh.”

“Holy shit, these look like the rooms on the Durandal.”

Wilhelm rolls his eyes.

“I really do hate poor people. I’m glad your lot confirms it so easily.”

He’s not being ironic.

“Hey, _I’m_ not poor,” Jr huffs.

“But, you are the most annoying, by far.”

“Okay, that’s fair.”

“Regardless, we’ve figured out our living arrangement for the time being,” Ziggy says. “Now, we have to figure out a way to blend in while we're out.”

“Buying new sets of clothes would be the obvious conclusion,” KOS-MOS says.

“Oh, thank the heavens,” Allen sighs dramatically in relief, “this is the only good suggestion someone’s had all day.”

“Also, who doesn’t love shopping?” Bunny slips out of Shion’s pocket to add her two cents.

“True.” Allen shrugs, “Are there any malls nearby?”

“Bunny?”

She flies up to get to eye level and says, “Yes, Shion?”

“Where’s the nearest shopping mall?”

Bunny pauses.

“Only 3.2 miles away!”

“That’s still pretty far.”

Bunny says, “You asked.”

“Okay, fine. I guess that’ll do.”

chaos finally comes fully back into the present.

“Oh, good, I always enjoy a shopping montage.”

“What?”

“Nothing," he says before they head out once again.


End file.
